Gekko: the analyst who tells it like it is

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Gekko would like to point out in his lizardly way that, provided the Australia media keeps the national economic interest properly in mind, the Danish cartoons affair could turn into a windfall.

You know it’s true: what we have here is the biggest Danish-substitute Aussie export opportunity since Mary Donaldson!

Aussie dairy farmers have been doing fairly well out of growing markets in China and India. Now they stand to clean up not only in the Middle East but right across the Islamic world.  

The blunder of the Fairfax papers in NZ in publishing the Danish cartoons has been an extra stroke of good luck – though it’s true that it may also do some collateral damage here.

NZ dairy giant Fonterra’s acquisition last year of the century-old Bonlac coop in Victoria means that Bonlac brands run the risk of being tarred by the black Kiwi brush, and frozen out of the coming action in the Mid East.

No matter: Fonterra’s great vision of creating an ANZAC dairy giant to take on the world may be looking a bit sick, but that won’t hold us Aussies back!

Iran alone buys more than $90 million worth of Kiwi dairy products every year. This could all now go to Australia! Think about it: Kiwi-substitute action on top of the Danish bonanza! This will be more fun than under-arm bowling!

Fonterra should now forget about buying the big Dairy Farmers Coop in NSW that they’ve been eyeing for yonks. When Dairy Farmers floats on the ASX within the next couple of years, it will be an all-Aussie affair.

For investors who can’t wait that long, the best play right now is to get out of New Zealand and reinvest in Philippines conglomerate San Miguel Corporation. The Filipino group acquired Australia’s National Foods, along with its Pura milk and King Island creams and cheeses brands, among others.

Mind you, the Aussie media will have to stay strong in their lovely sell-out mode. Sure, Ibn Warraq, a well-known Islamic dissident writer, wrote in Germany’s Der Spiegel that ‘unless we [i.e. the media] show some solidarity, unashamed, noisy, public solidarity with the Danish cartoonists, then the forces that are trying to impose on the Free West a totalitarian ideology will have won; the Islamization of Europe will have begun in earnest.’  But so what?

Provided the Aussie media can resist the advice of the Ibn Warraqs of this world, in Cairo tomorrow they’ll be clearing the shelves of French Yoplait and replacing it with Aussie Ski yoghurt! Go Aussie go!

The AWB gave up a few hundred million bucks for some wheat deals; are our media’s free speech principles too high a price to pay for the biggest dairy market in the world?

You gotta be kidding! At the time of writing, not a single cartoon of ol’ Mo has appeared in any Aussie newspaper! Keep it up guys!

Of course some Muslims in the Middle East actually take seriously all that stuff about free speech that you hear from Ibn Warraq and his ilk; and that we carry on about in our editorials and at civic receptions and parliamentary openings and the like.

In the midst of the cartoons furore, one Muslim publisher – name of Jihad El Momeni –actually reproduced three of the Danish cartoons in the weekly Jordanian paper that he edits, called Shayhan. He was fired and King Abdullah II of Jordan, who happened to be touring the US, remarked from Washington that he would be ‘punished’.

There’s no need for Aussie media people to feel bad about not supporting the likes of losers like Momeni. All they have to do is follow the example of CNN, who, after reporting how Momeni risked his life in support of free speech, added the wonderfully prim line: ‘CNN has chosen to not show the cartoons out of respect for Islam.’ It’s that easy!

There are also a number of secular Islamic bloggers in the Middle East who have not only criticized their co-religionists for their cartoons hysteria, but have actually mounted an internet ‘Buy Danish!’ campaign in the Middle East. Can you imagine? In Egypt, ‘Big Pharaoh’ is one such blog; ‘Freedom for Egyptians’ is another. There are plenty more.

Hey, talk about guys in pygamas! These are the same people who carry on about the persecuted Christian Coptic minority every time a few local Islamic boyos torch the local church on a Saturday night and kill some Copts, as they did again on 18 January this year, in the village of Edyssat near Luxor in upper Egypt. 700 years or so ago, the Copts were the majority in Egypt. Now they’re down to about 10 per cent. More losers!

Talking about Islamic-Christian relations, King Abdullah touched on that subject as well in Washington last week. Showing the hilarious sense of humour traditionally associated with colorful desert despots like himself, he remarked that relations between Muslims and Christians in the Middle East were ‘a 1,400 year long tradition of friendship’.  Funneee! Gekko has never laughed so much!

But Abdullah’s conservative American audience reportedly accepted it without the slightest demurral – and so should we. To those who object, Gekko, pausing on his way to the bank, will have only this to say: MOOO!

UPDATED: with AWB reference…

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