Author Archive

E-mail from a Cane Toad friend

February 6, 2006

Hi, Cane Toad here. I just got an e-mail from one of my friends. It is Ahmed Al-Shalamari from the Al-Aqsa Mosque in Wiley Park. He just had some comments about those cartoons. Well, I will just put the e-mail here for you to read…

—–Original Message—–

From: Ahmed Al-Shalamari []

Sent: Sunday, February 05, 2006 3:00 AM


Subject: Re: Offensive Cartoons

Dear Cane,

As an Iman of a religion of peace, I am glad to see that my Muslim brothers are torching the Danish and Norwegian embassies and destroying their property. However, there are many other cartoons that are just as offensive, for instance…

1. An unclean animal like a dog is unfit to share your home but is shown living with a man in the Wallace and Gromit cartoon, which is an offense to Muslims everywhere. The fact that Wallace is shown eating cheese that is likely made in New Zealand where the Mohammed cartoons were published, is a further, intentional affront to Muslims everywhere.

According to the hadeeth of Ibn ‘Umar the Messenger of Allah said: “Be different from the mushrikeen: let your beards grow.” However, in “A Close Shave,” it shows Wallace shaving his beard, which is yet another intentional insult to Muslims. Nick Park has intentionally made these plasticine figures to offended Muslims and must pay. If Nick Park does not apologize to Muslims everywhere and immediately burn all Wallace and Gromit animations, I issue a fatwa to boycott all English products and burn their embassies.

2. The cartoon Cathy shows a woman wearing western style clothing and freely questioning her man. If Cathy does not immediately put on a burqa and submit to the authority of her on again, off again boyfriend Irving, I declare a fatwa on the Zionist cartoonist Cathy Guisewite that she should pay for intentionally offending Muslims everywhere. Also, this fatwa extends to Universal Press Syndicate for publishing the Cathy cartoon and, while I am at it, extend the fatwa to Kansas City, Missouri (note: Kansas City, Kansas is exempt from this fatwa as things cannot get much worse there).

3. I think Warner Brothers should feel the wrath of the Muslim Borthers for their portrayal of a pig in their cartoons. Obviously, in 1935, Friz Freleng and the other Zionists intentionally drew Porky Pig to offend Muslims. The fact that he used an unclean dog to control the cats that were hunting mice in the episode “Trap Happy Porky” is doubly insulting to Muslims everywhere. We insist that all Porky Pig cartoons be immediately withdrawn from worldwide distribution and that Warner Brothers Studios apologize to all Muslims or a fatwa will be issued to burn down their stores in Westfield Shopping Centres worldwide (If the fire spreads to adjacent Disney stores, that is okay as we Muslims are not too happy with the unclean dog Pluto either).

Allah Akbar!

Iman Al-Shalamari


Cane’s List of characters

January 26, 2006

Hi…Cane Toad here. When I was asked to write for this blog, I jumped at the chance. However, a few of my friends wanted to be included…how could I say no. I told them that this would be a fair analysis forum, open to well thought discourse. They responded that they always are fair and willing to listen to others. They will look at news stories in the Sydney Morning Herald and discuss them with me and I will write up their comments. Just the other day, I asked Joanne (from Minto) about her thoughts on Hamas. She responded, “isn’t dat sh** just made out of chickpeas.” What a sweet girl. For an ALP supporter, I think this is well thought out discourse, don’t you?

Okay, an introduction is in order. I put up their pictures with a little blurb about each one of my friends.

See Yah,


About Cane Toad’s Friends…

fully sick Name: Ahmed Mohammed
Location: Lakemba, NSW
Hobbies: having sex with Aussie women (with or without their consent)

Hello, here is a picture of me and my fully sick mates having a bit of fun. I cannot believe we had time to do this on Monday night…wait, none of us work (thank you ALP), and so Monday night is just like any other night.
newtown Name: Flower McKenzie
Location: Newtown, NSW
Hobbies: Attacking police at peace rallies. Dropping marbles at an animal rights rally so the police horses fall and are injured. Watching armpit hair grow.
How can you enjoy your life when innocent children are starving in the world?
abo Name: Michael Towaragannabana
Location: Redfern, NSW
Hobbies: Playing for money in circ quay, complaining about how the abos got screwed by the British.
The high gas prices are making it harder for aboriginal community as we can no longer afford to sniff the premium petrol.
westie Name: Joanne Smith
Location: Minto, NSW
Hobbies: having a fourth child before she turns the ripe old age of 23.
Don’t f*** with me, just tell me the quickest way to the Centrelink offices and the pokies.
lib Name: Snively O’Jeebs III
Location: Surry Hills, NSW
Hobbies: Finding ways for the west to become more peaceful like the misunderstood Islamic people.
Greetings, it is a most arduous task to remain optimistic in a world with George Bush that is in juxtaposition to the postmodern interpretation of power in a worldwide dialectic.