Archive for the ‘Introduction’ Category

Gekko: the analyst who tells it like it is

February 6, 2006

Gekko would like to point out in his lizardly way that, provided the Australia media keeps the national economic interest properly in mind, the Danish cartoons affair could turn into a windfall.

You know it’s true: what we have here is the biggest Danish-substitute Aussie export opportunity since Mary Donaldson!

Aussie dairy farmers have been doing fairly well out of growing markets in China and India. Now they stand to clean up not only in the Middle East but right across the Islamic world.  

The blunder of the Fairfax papers in NZ in publishing the Danish cartoons has been an extra stroke of good luck – though it’s true that it may also do some collateral damage here.

NZ dairy giant Fonterra’s acquisition last year of the century-old Bonlac coop in Victoria means that Bonlac brands run the risk of being tarred by the black Kiwi brush, and frozen out of the coming action in the Mid East.

No matter: Fonterra’s great vision of creating an ANZAC dairy giant to take on the world may be looking a bit sick, but that won’t hold us Aussies back!

Iran alone buys more than $90 million worth of Kiwi dairy products every year. This could all now go to Australia! Think about it: Kiwi-substitute action on top of the Danish bonanza! This will be more fun than under-arm bowling!

Fonterra should now forget about buying the big Dairy Farmers Coop in NSW that they’ve been eyeing for yonks. When Dairy Farmers floats on the ASX within the next couple of years, it will be an all-Aussie affair.

For investors who can’t wait that long, the best play right now is to get out of New Zealand and reinvest in Philippines conglomerate San Miguel Corporation. The Filipino group acquired Australia’s National Foods, along with its Pura milk and King Island creams and cheeses brands, among others.

Mind you, the Aussie media will have to stay strong in their lovely sell-out mode. Sure, Ibn Warraq, a well-known Islamic dissident writer, wrote in Germany’s Der Spiegel that ‘unless we [i.e. the media] show some solidarity, unashamed, noisy, public solidarity with the Danish cartoonists, then the forces that are trying to impose on the Free West a totalitarian ideology will have won; the Islamization of Europe will have begun in earnest.’  But so what?

Provided the Aussie media can resist the advice of the Ibn Warraqs of this world, in Cairo tomorrow they’ll be clearing the shelves of French Yoplait and replacing it with Aussie Ski yoghurt! Go Aussie go!

The AWB gave up a few hundred million bucks for some wheat deals; are our media’s free speech principles too high a price to pay for the biggest dairy market in the world?

You gotta be kidding! At the time of writing, not a single cartoon of ol’ Mo has appeared in any Aussie newspaper! Keep it up guys!

Of course some Muslims in the Middle East actually take seriously all that stuff about free speech that you hear from Ibn Warraq and his ilk; and that we carry on about in our editorials and at civic receptions and parliamentary openings and the like.

In the midst of the cartoons furore, one Muslim publisher – name of Jihad El Momeni –actually reproduced three of the Danish cartoons in the weekly Jordanian paper that he edits, called Shayhan. He was fired and King Abdullah II of Jordan, who happened to be touring the US, remarked from Washington that he would be ‘punished’.

There’s no need for Aussie media people to feel bad about not supporting the likes of losers like Momeni. All they have to do is follow the example of CNN, who, after reporting how Momeni risked his life in support of free speech, added the wonderfully prim line: ‘CNN has chosen to not show the cartoons out of respect for Islam.’ It’s that easy!

There are also a number of secular Islamic bloggers in the Middle East who have not only criticized their co-religionists for their cartoons hysteria, but have actually mounted an internet ‘Buy Danish!’ campaign in the Middle East. Can you imagine? In Egypt, ‘Big Pharaoh’ is one such blog; ‘Freedom for Egyptians’ is another. There are plenty more.

Hey, talk about guys in pygamas! These are the same people who carry on about the persecuted Christian Coptic minority every time a few local Islamic boyos torch the local church on a Saturday night and kill some Copts, as they did again on 18 January this year, in the village of Edyssat near Luxor in upper Egypt. 700 years or so ago, the Copts were the majority in Egypt. Now they’re down to about 10 per cent. More losers!

Talking about Islamic-Christian relations, King Abdullah touched on that subject as well in Washington last week. Showing the hilarious sense of humour traditionally associated with colorful desert despots like himself, he remarked that relations between Muslims and Christians in the Middle East were ‘a 1,400 year long tradition of friendship’.  Funneee! Gekko has never laughed so much!

But Abdullah’s conservative American audience reportedly accepted it without the slightest demurral – and so should we. To those who object, Gekko, pausing on his way to the bank, will have only this to say: MOOO!

UPDATED: with AWB reference…


Cane’s List of characters

January 26, 2006

Hi…Cane Toad here. When I was asked to write for this blog, I jumped at the chance. However, a few of my friends wanted to be included…how could I say no. I told them that this would be a fair analysis forum, open to well thought discourse. They responded that they always are fair and willing to listen to others. They will look at news stories in the Sydney Morning Herald and discuss them with me and I will write up their comments. Just the other day, I asked Joanne (from Minto) about her thoughts on Hamas. She responded, “isn’t dat sh** just made out of chickpeas.” What a sweet girl. For an ALP supporter, I think this is well thought out discourse, don’t you?

Okay, an introduction is in order. I put up their pictures with a little blurb about each one of my friends.

See Yah,


About Cane Toad’s Friends…

fully sick Name: Ahmed Mohammed
Location: Lakemba, NSW
Hobbies: having sex with Aussie women (with or without their consent)

Hello, here is a picture of me and my fully sick mates having a bit of fun. I cannot believe we had time to do this on Monday night…wait, none of us work (thank you ALP), and so Monday night is just like any other night.
newtown Name: Flower McKenzie
Location: Newtown, NSW
Hobbies: Attacking police at peace rallies. Dropping marbles at an animal rights rally so the police horses fall and are injured. Watching armpit hair grow.
How can you enjoy your life when innocent children are starving in the world?
abo Name: Michael Towaragannabana
Location: Redfern, NSW
Hobbies: Playing for money in circ quay, complaining about how the abos got screwed by the British.
The high gas prices are making it harder for aboriginal community as we can no longer afford to sniff the premium petrol.
westie Name: Joanne Smith
Location: Minto, NSW
Hobbies: having a fourth child before she turns the ripe old age of 23.
Don’t f*** with me, just tell me the quickest way to the Centrelink offices and the pokies.
lib Name: Snively O’Jeebs III
Location: Surry Hills, NSW
Hobbies: Finding ways for the west to become more peaceful like the misunderstood Islamic people.
Greetings, it is a most arduous task to remain optimistic in a world with George Bush that is in juxtaposition to the postmodern interpretation of power in a worldwide dialectic.

Bandicoot Crashes into the Party

January 19, 2006

Hi all

I am a hard to pidgeon-hole.

Who am I: I am a minority (very much so), I am conservative, I am a Christian (of the conservative protestant flavour) and I am a lover of beautiful maths.

What I love to do: Read political and religious books, listen to good music (in spite of a lawsuit from Sony)

Where I live: The WEsT SiDe!

What helps me pay the bills: I provide quantitative consultancy services…and no I don’t need more work!
What you can expect from me: sarcastic short posts, the odd topical post, general upkeep of the blog, loads of spelling mistakes, misquoted phrases and idioms and some serious lefty-sledging!

What I loathe: Lefty self-pity and suicidialism and stubborness (the latter of which I suffer from).


Also Sprach Wombathusta

January 19, 2006

Hi Folks,

Welcome to Tankstream, a new blog from the Anglosphere’s undisputed antipodean capital, as well as what is rapidly becoming the default capital of New Zealand.

The Tank Stream kept the early Sydney settlement alive, and this blog seeks to similarly… Uhhh… Look, let Gekko explain, he is the one with the metaphors and the history and the Australiana. I do cheap jokes and anti-Dhimmi polemic that scores 10/10 on the Victorian “officially MeanyNastyUnPC stuff” scale. Oh, and Mohammad was a vindicitive, megalomaniacal, murderous, raping, psychopathic pedophile whom his followers emulate as the ideal man.

But I digress. This is a quick introduction to the team from your new third-best friend Wombat, who promises you a steady stream of lowbrow humour, vindictive polemics, news, gratiutious blog linkage bordering on plagarism and All-Western Pride, All-Anti-Dhimmi, All-Da-Time (or whenever I get to blog)

Please also meet my co-bloggers:

Crash is our Outer Suburbs correspondent, valiantly fighting the Good Fight, as well as a lawsuit from Sony. He and I have slightly different views on the Holy Trinity (See Below).

Uh, Crash, you do realise that Lizards and Toads are not marsupials, heck, they are not even mammals ? Just sayin’….

Gekko is just what you expect, a Lizardoid of the old school. Gekko has evolved past his 80’s incarnation played by an inadequate Michael Douglas. He is the very model of a gentleman, a scholar, a passionate Anglospherian, a gifted writer and a guy who lives in a much nicer place than mine. He brings refinement, depth, knowledge, experience, flair, subtlety, dress sense, and all those other things that the rest of us lack. So what the heck are the rest of us doing here ? Just deal with it, Gekko, you are stuck with us all…

Cane. Good GHOD. Where to begin? Cane is Living Proof that deep scholarship, sharp wit and a foul mouth actually can go together. And if not, too bad. Cane is… Well… You’ll see. Toad Hall has fallen on very sad days indeed.

Do not let your little children or more attractive housepets near Cane.

A little bit about me:

Wombat: A Vengeful Marsupial.

Location: Right on Da Harbour.

Job: Makin Richez

Hobby: Chasin Bitchez (Note however that there is no claim of great success here)

Obsessions: confronting the global Jihad and its suicidalist fellow travellers. Shaking the Western world awake. Confronting self-hating Westerners, lefties, Islamists, fascists and the ignorant moonbats that now pass for the general public. At 4 am in the morning. In my underwear. Did you really need to know that?

Religion: Faith in the eventual appearance of A Holy Trinity consisting of Moreena Baccarin from Firefly, Eva Habermann from Lexx and my own poor self, all in a hot tub…

Habits: Like any Wombat:
Eats. Roots*. Shoots. And Leaves.
Only Vengefully.

* A verb, with a somewhat different meaning in the land of OZ.

Things I will probably only do once: Impersonate a cute fat marsupial online.

Things I will continue to do until the coming of the Holy Trininty (see above): Impersonate a cute, fat primate in real life.